Sometimes, I turn on an old track off my playlist and listen. And I remember, again, the depository of memory that is this music I like.

This time, I start thinking more about the ramifications of music as an indicator of permanence, no, maybe an ensurer of permanence, a guarantor of sorts.

When I turn on a track that I have listened to over and over, in the car, at my house, on the street, with a friend, while asleep, while upside down, while studying, I remember a not so precise memory. It is fuzzy at its edges because its fuzzy at its core; this memory has a way of transforming easily, picking apart pieces from all my times of listening. These pieces emerge in different configurations, beyond my comprehension, beyond any conscious sense, into the fore of my brain. And I remember something, some smell, some sight, some thing…somehow.

The time when I - oh yeah - that was the place where - yup - and wow, I can’t believe I remember that. That chord came up and I remember I was driving, making this turn to go see that person, and thats when I saw the cat running across the bushes, and I came to a stop light. And wait, no, thats not what happened, it was when my friends were coming down the stairs and I didn’t go out and meet them because I wanted to keep listening to my songs. So I did it then - I stapled this song to that time, attaching a rhythm to a memory rife with visual, smells, and the faux-leather of the steering wheel.

But as I listen to something now, it is entirely new still. There are often moments when it ensures a deep sense of something. A reliability that when this song comes up, I will remember something, even if it is fuzzy.

Yet, my lack of discipline complicates things - a song often has bits, scraps, and pieces attached to it. The older the song, the more I’ve subjected to memory staples, willingly or otherwise. It would be an honest logistical nightmare to piece through all of these memory pieces to determine which one is the one I want to keep. Wiping it clean might be the way to go.

But then, why would I want to do that? The reason I listen to my music is because it holds such significance. Gutting it would disconnect my life from my music and would make me, well, a bit of a bore.

Posted by Vivek on Saturday, September 9th, 2006 at 6:18 pm.