There are a lot of reasons people like the music they like. Here are my most recent ones.

The music I’ve liked and like has changed over the years, which is to be expected. But this year, my music tastes have become more meaningful, deeper. A new significance permeates my aural fixations.

A lot of the bands I like - Lali Puna, Mogwai, Boards of Canada, Four Tet, and Dntel - I first heard off of CDs burned by my friend Birj. Birj and I did a lot of political work through ASATA and other Bay area groups and we would often sit in his room and listen to music. I would usually be trying to write something while Birj would be painting, playing with his niece, or taking a nap. He would often present me with several burned CDs at a time, his personal compilations of music he liked as well as whole burned albums. Along with his charming idiosyncrasies, those were his regular gifts.

And I’m not the only recipient of these gifts. Anyone who knew Birj probably has at least two such mixes.

One CD was named ‘Peace! Friendship!’ and included a graphic of three women from the USSR, China, and India embracing, wide open smiles, with flowers held by all. We had talked about this image - it came from the tradition of Soviet realist painting and encapsulated the gentler side of the non-aligned movement. Below the graphic lay the track listing of songs Birj had compiled, with artists ranging from The Mendoza Line to The Weakerthans to Kanye West, complete with track timings.

A cursory search for this picture (in hopes of hyperlinking) revealed an image of a single bomber plane. It seems a reflection of the beliefs we are supposed to believe, that relationships between nations can only be adversarial, phallic, and filled with gunpowder.

I have at least 20 burned CDs a la Birj. I’ve listened to this music many times more. Especially since I moved to Texas, his music has provided a serene reminder of him and the drinks we shared, the cheesy joke books he gave me, the many hours spent in silence and in discussion.

Late last year, Birj passed away. When I heard it, I was shocked, and I couldn’t understand why. It was the first time someone truly close to me had died. It was the night before I was slated to fly to LA where I would meet Amal to go to India. He was the one that told me.

We drove up to Oakland. We spent time that week with friends and Birj’s family.

I saw his body. Knees buckled. Tears that had been spent came back again.

The last time I talked to Birj was before he went to Hong Kong to protest the WTO. He was excited, to say the least. I was excited for him. Now, my memory searches for precision, for the words we exchanged that last time.

That last time. There were words and there was talk of music. Of my re-finding an album he had given me some time back, I think it was DJ Neil Armstrong. It was marked simply, ‘DJ Neil Armstrong.’ I don’t think the name of the album was on it. Sometimes, the CDs were simply marked with colorful sharpies, mimicking the actual CD cover. Many times, they were themed.

Either way, there was always Birj’s characteristic Sharpie-thick, bubble-like writing. And you knew that he had put in a tremendous amount of thought into what he was creating - by the placement of the tracks, the graphics involved, the intentionality of it all.

And when I listen to any of these mixes, I try to extrapolate what these songs may have meant to him. The meanings for me are doubled, tripled. What is blaring through the speakers has become a mere starting point.

‘Together in Electric Dreams‘ is a cover by Lali Puna of a song by Human League. It makes me think about the times Birj pops up in my dreams, usually as a companion, hanging out with his corduroys, patka, and crinkly eyes. We never talk much in them, but I feel his presence in all of them. He is himself, low-key, benevolent, drinking a beverage.

His music has become my own, and now, this music is what keeps me going.

Posted by Vivek on Monday, June 19th, 2006 at 11:19 pm.